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Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.