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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?