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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.