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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.