Daily Silly Status

Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...

Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything

I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.

I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..

Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.

I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.

I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.

That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.

I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.

Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.

The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.

My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.

I`ve got a lot to unlearn.

When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.