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Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.