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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!