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Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?