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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.