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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
Take my advice, Iām not going to use it.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
It`s not stalking if you love them!
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"