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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.