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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.