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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.