Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...