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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Gym Update: Not there.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.