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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
I flunked anger management class.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!