Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"