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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?