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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Marriage tip: Don`t
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
No pants are the best pants.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.