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I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.