Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.