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ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
Do bees even have knees?
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....