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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
This headache feels like dumb people
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.