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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?