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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.