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I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.