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To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.