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Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?
Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson