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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
How long does it take to get obsessed?
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?