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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.