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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.