Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!