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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative