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My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
Chip clips are for quitters.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
drinks well with others.