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The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
This recliner and I go way back.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
Did you hear about the homeless guy that tried selling me meth?.... Yeah it was Bumcrack.