Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!