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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
i only drink on days that end with y
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.