Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking