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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.