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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers