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Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.