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If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
I look so young for my rage.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?