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Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.