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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......