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Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.