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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"