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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.