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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day