Daily Silly Status

All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.

Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?

But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.

Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.

I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!

The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."

Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.

I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...

I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…

If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.

I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves

People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.

You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|

For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair