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"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.