Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.