Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM