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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.